It’s hard to say sorry when you really mean it..

Sometimes I’m simple minded,

then I can’t read your look,

all my thoughts are binded,

I’m like and open book,

in which you read the story,

of a bleeding soul,

I am so sorry,

each time I lose control.

I should suppress my rage,

I need you beside me,

don’t you leave the stage,

I need you to guide me,

I know you’ll be my saviour,

If I repeat my fault,

you put me on my best behaviour..

You hear my call.

Sirus,

     I apologise sincerely if I haven’t been there for you. I am having a hard time right now with words, to make you beleive me. But, I will do the best I can and hope you will trust those words in the end.

I understand what you are feeling right now. And I hate that I caused some of it. I guess that, I thought we talked alot more than we actually do. And I realise that now.

All I can say, is what I have said before. I am sorry, I apologise. I really do. I hope you trust those words. I care for you alot, and I love you like a sister should.

Please hold out,

I regret,

all the nasty words I said,

I can feel you getting colder.

Please don’t doubt that I regret,

all the days I left you sad,

can’t you see me..getting older?

I don’t need rehab to quit

Well, good bye to it all. Good bye to not having money to do anything. Good bye to always having a monster on my back. Good bye to addiction. That’s right, you heard me. I quit. I quit smoking. They say that the first week will be the worst, but you know what, a week isn’t that long. Not for me anyway. I have so much that takes up my weeks. Babysitting, not just as a job, but my four younger siblings to help my mom out. And then I have my supporters on this. Sirus, Jess, and I am pretty sure Brendon. He doesn’t know yet. But he will. Soooo, as me and Sirus said:

Samm Bennett: good bye cigarettes
sye: hello extra cash!
Samm Bennett: HELL YEAH!!!

So, there is one upside to that. Another, not having to constantly worry, “can I smoke here, how much money do I have left for cigarettes, will I even be able to play soccer?”.

Yes, thats right. Soccer. You heard me. I love soccer. I love watching it, playing it. You name it, I love it. Just not competitive. I will watch competitive soccer games, but I won’t play it. I only do it for fun, not saying the players on teams don’t. I just know that here where I live, all the people I know on the soccer team, they beat themselves up verbally(along with fellow players they thought didn’t do great)if they don’t win. I don’t care if I win or lose. I like to have fun with it. Not make it into a big deal. But, even though, I have 4-5 years of smoking under my belt, my breathing isn’t going to automatically go back to the way it was before I started smoking, but I know now it won’t get worse. I won’t get as winded walking up the stairs. So, I am just happr for myself, proud of myself, and I know others feel the same too. Sirus, you are my support beam, without you, I would crash and fall to pieces. Jess, you are my bricks.-(I know that sounds bad at the moment, but best I could think of, please bare with me on this)-You build me up and keep me from collapsing. And I love both of you guys for it, and everything you do, and support me in. So, quitting smoking, it will be a little tough, but with those two as my best friends, it will be way easier. If I even think about touching a cigarette, Jess will be there to slap it out of my hands. If I even dream about smoking, Sirus will interupt and say “Dude, heres something better”, and do the little lad dance in my sleep. And I will wake up thinking “what the hell?!”.  But that is all for now. No more smoking. pce.

semiotic love-blaqk audio

I will ask you this,
“Can you spare a kiss?”
Can you picture this coming from my lips?
I’ll whisper from miles away.
I will send you this and seal it with a kiss.
Can you take this lipstick and lightplay and carry it miles away?

I will walk across the ocean
To where the sky meets the sea
And give this ghost my devotion to keep you from me.

Just say goodbye.
I live and I’ll die
Hooked on a star,
Enraptured by the sky,
In love with a satellite.

I can now admit I’m lost in loveliness.
Who could just resist distant beauty?
Find me if you find a way.

You may love it if you tried this detachment.
From this distance the beauty burns brightly.
It’s warmer from worlds away.

Just say goodbye.
I live and I’ll die
Hooked on a star,
Enraptured by the sky,
In love with a satellite.

I’ll stare forever and love whatever breaks my heart.
[x2]

Just say goodbye.
I live and I’ll die
Hooked on a star,
Enraptured by the sky,
In love with a satellite.
[x3]

omg!

Thank you so much Sirus for my layout. I love it so much. I never pictured it like that. What I had pictured is nowhere near as good as it really is. If you were here, I would jump up and hug you while squeezing you until you turned blue. Thank you so much. I cannot stop smiling and I am bragging about it to all my other friends. Saying things like “HA! YOUR’S SUCKS! MINE IS BETTER! SYE MADE IT!”. I love it more than words can express. I could say it a million and one times, and no one would be able to understand it then. So, thank you. And thank you Jess for tking the pictures and editing them as well. You both do so much for me and I wish I could repay you, but I am clueless as how I can repay the two best people in the world. But trust me, some day, it will be repaid. Thank you both so much! I love you guys.

my bloody valentine-good charlotte

Oh, my love
Please don’t cry
I’ll wash my bloody hands and
We’ll start a new life

I ripped out
His throat
And called you on the telephone
To take off
My disguise
Just in time to hear you cry when you…

You mourn the death of your bloody valentine
The night he died
You mourn the death of your bloody valentine
One last time

Singin’…

Oh, my love
Please don’t cry
I’ll wash my bloody hands and
We’ll start a new life
I don’t know much at all
I don’t know wrong from right
All I know is that I love you tonight

There was
Police and
Flashing lights
The rain came down so hard that night and the
Headlines read
A lover died

No tell-tale heart was left to find when you…

You mourn the death of your bloody valentine
The night he died
You mourn the death of your bloody valentine
One last time

Singin’…

Oh, my love
Please don’t cry
I’ll wash my bloody hands and
We’ll start a new life
I don’t know much at all
I don’t know wrong from right
All I know is that I love you tonight

Tonight

He dropped you off, I followed him home
Then I, I stood outside his bedroom window
Standing over him, he begged me not to do
What I knew I had to do cause I’m so in love with you

Oh, my love
Please don’t cry
I’ll wash my bloody hands and
We’ll start a new life
I don’t know much at all
I don’t know wrong from right
All I know is that I love you tonight
Tonight

here I am now..

Here I am, the day after the pics were taken. I slept with my hair the same way, and by looking at it right now, you wouldn’t be able to tell I slept on it. With the make up on too. The only side that got messed up was the left, it went down my face. So, I just fixed it, and the things on the sides of my eyes, don’t go out as far as they did in the pictures. I shortened them both. To make them look more casual. I guess. Cos I have to go to work. I have to leave here in about 10 minutes actually. But, it only takes me literally about 2-3 minutes to get to work. It’s only 2 blocks away from me. I hate walking over there though. I have ex-boyfriends and wiggers(unfortunately also ex’s of mine) that always “holla” at me and whistle. My friends and sister say “you should take it as a compliment”. I don’t. Not at all. Being whistled at by scum..Sorry, that doesn’t do it for me. I tdoesn’t make me feel good about myself. It annoys me and pisses me off to no end. But, even as much as I tell them to shut up, they don’t. Cocky little wastes of time. But, I have to go to work now. I will write more later. Bye.

~samm~

night at jess’

We took alot of pics, but this is by far my favorite one.

It looks as though shes checking me out, and I am just sitting there thinking “oh yeah, that’s right, I know”.

lol.

But, not alot to type at the moment. ttyl. pce beetches!

Told..

 This is my dad. This is what happened today after our talk.. 

He wouldn’t even look at me.

Turned his back to me.

And walked away.

But, you know what, him doing that to me, is familiar.

He has done that before.

But, I just smirked and thought “how childish“.

“He can’t get his damn way so he is going to ignore me”.

“whatever, ass”.

Me and my mom were both suprised at how much of a child he was.

Compared to his 15 year old daughter, he was immature, a little pathetic, and pissy.

Because things didn’t go his way.

He also tried to guilt me into coming over.

Telling me..”well, we had plans for you, your grandma wanted to take you to a movie“.

Yes, I love my grandma, very much so.

But, I always get treated like a princess, and the other kids are treated like mere peasants.

If she can’t take all of us, then sorry, Grandma, no thanks.

I am sick of seeing my siblings with that sad look on their faces when I get to go to a movie and they have to stay at the house.

It makes me feel horrible.

I should have stepped up and said something a long time ago.

But, I was selfish then, so I didn’t.

I thought..”I am going to get as much out of this as I can“.

But, no more. I am going to stand up for what I think is right.

And what I believe in.

To ANYONE and EVERYONE!

hello-evanescence

Playground schoolbell rings again,
rainclouds come to play again,
has no one told you she’s not breathing?
Hello
I am in your mind,
giving you someone to talk to.
Hello

If I smile I don’t believe,
soon I know I’ll wake from this dream,

Don’t try to fix me I’m not broken
Hello
I’m the lie, living for you so you can hide
don’t cry.

Suddenly I know I’m not sleeping
Hello
I’m still here
All thats left of yesterday…

This is just the song that is best fitting my mood right now.

respect it..please

I don’t want to come over anymore.

There’s no reason for it.

We don’t talk.

We never have.

Words that are rarely exchanged are “mmhmm, yep, sure, cool, awesome, etc.”.

All one word answers.

We don’t get along, but that’s not new.

Never have, probably never will.

You never cared, or at least never seemed like it at all.

You have always been so horribly mean to me, my siblings, and my mother our entire lives.

I am sick of it.

Sick of your fake apologies, empty promises, lies, everything.

The thought of you pisses me off.

You have lied about not being able to take us, just so you could go to a damn concert and benefit.

“I don’t have any gas or money, sorry”.

That’s what you told us.

I found out from one of your friends, that you and her went to a concert instead.

You were naive to think I don’t talk to her still.

WRONG! I DO!

And I was livid to hear you ditched us, your own children, for that.

I love her.

She didn’t know you had us that weekend.

So, all your fault.

Then, a couple months go.

“I have a bowling thing I have to do”.

I guess bowling is more important.

Father, please..

LEARN TO SORT OUT YOUR PRIORITIES!

One thing should always be number one on everyone’s list of priorities: Family.

You told me “Family first, then school, then friends and others”.

I am guessing your’s go a little something like this:

1.) Concerts

2.) Friends

3.) Bowling

4.) Work

5.) Your children..

Doesn’t that sound a little wrong to anyone but me?

Please say I am not alone on that.

But, once again..

No reason for me to go there anymore.

Respect it.

If not, then shut up and deal with it.

Someone made me realize, you can’t hurt me anymore.

You can’t scare me anymore.

I am not afraid of “The left Hand” anymore.

You snapping your belt at me doesn’t scare me anymore.

You screaming directly in my face does not frighten me to tears anymore.

You don’t intimidate me anymore.

So, Respect that as well.

If not..

Shut up.