“I carry your heart with me” By: e.e. cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is youhere is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

To all my friends and family. I love you all.

Well, I just fell in love. With something I thought would never get the best of me. Ha-Ha. Its not a person, or an animal, but a ring. Its called an “eternity band”, and its on clearance for 30 Dollars, but, its only exclusive online! And the shipping and what not added up, is definitely going to be more than 30 dollars, so, damnit…no eternity band for me. Ha-Ha. Ah well, I have better things I need to save for. Now that I do not waste my money on cigarettes, I am saving my money for “Sweeney Todd” tickets in December. I love the musical, and the movie also looks awesome as hell. Plus, Johnny Depp is The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, so, you cannot go wrong. Ha-Ha. This weekend though, me and my sister Brianna are going to my Grandma’s house to stay a night. And we are going to a night parade of some sort I guess, and Sunday morning, we are going to see a movie. She had me and Brie look and see what’s playing, and she wanted us to decide on one movie. I want to see “Dan in Real Life”,(more so I want to see Beowulf, but my Grandma can barely stand Hot Topic let alone that movie, she would be freaking out) and Brianna wants to see “Enchanted”. I would sit through Enchanted, but its definitely not my choice in movies. Although, Patrick Dempsey would make it alot easier to sit through. Ha-Ha. Speaking of Patrick Dempsey, I was very disappointed last night, I got all excited for Grey’s Anatomy to come on, and it ended up being a damn repeat. I wasn’t like ’seeing red’ pissed off, but just bummed basically that my show wasn’t on. Such a let down. Oh well. And just the other night I was actually suprised that someone called me. He is shy, like me, and we talk all the time online, but never in person… and its not a long distance situation where he might live In Grand Rapids or another town, we go to the same school. But, we never talk in person, and the other night was the first time hearing his actual voice..in a long time. I have met him before, but not as a friend of mine, but as a friend of My Aunt Kayles. And that was about…..4 school years ago, so a VERY long time. And he and I have both changed alot. But, we talk every night basically, but online. So, I gave him the suggestion, he could call me if he wanted to. I said “if you want to..”, and apparently he wanted to. Cos there was his number on the Caller ID, and I was suprised he actually did. Ha-Ha. I know what alot of people might be thinking, you might be thinking we have “crushes” on each other and we hit on each other. Its nothing like that, nothing like that at all. No attraction there what-so-ever. Its just me being suprised he broke out of his shell, and that I did as well by answering the phone. Ha-Ha. The only reason we talk every night, is cos we enjoy each others company, even online. But, we are no more than friends. Never will be. That would be just.. weird. He’s like a Brother. Ha-Ha. Basically, that would be gross..and awkward. But, I cannot wait for this weekend, I love my Grandma’s, and I like parades, and night time. So, all those mixed, is great. Ha-Ha.

                       Sincerely,

                                               Me

never thought it would happen to me, or them

We didn’t even see it coming at first. At the intersection of Northland Drive and 12 mile road. The idiot decided to turn when it was not her turn, and we hit her. Not our fault she can’t drive. It was me, Kayles, and D-Rock. All I remember was looking out my window, then next thing I know, theres smoke, I am half deaf, My face hurts, my stomach kills, my chest feels as though someone just punched it alllll over, and my knees and fingers are in the dashboard. My first thought was Kayliegh and Derek. So, I unbuckled and opened the door as fast as I could, and the firemen were there already, so I am assuming I was knocked out for a few minutes.  But as soon as I stepped out of that car, all of the pain hit me like the dumb bitch in the other car. A fireman asked me to sit on the back on the truck, it was freezing, I was in pain, I was scared. I was scared for Kayleigh and Derek, and just shaken scared in general. They went to the hospital in an ambulance, complaing of neck/back pains, and Grandma went with them. Uncle Jamie was there and so were Grandma and Grandpa Pyne. I went to the hospital with mom and Doug as my drivers. My main problem area was my right knee, sure my fingers look jammed, or broken and fat/swollen, but my knee was the only thing that hurt. So they did X-Rays and theres no broken bones or chipped bones, etc. But, it hurt like hell, so they gave me meds and crutches. I am home now, and thank you to those that knew and kept me in their thoughts. I have to go get rest though. Bye.

I’ll miss ya’

Okay, you aren’t dead, but it sucks that you aren’t around anymore. I no longer have my third hour buddy that gets me through the boring topic of Government. I don’t have the same comfort from others that I get from you, and I sure as hell don’t get the same honesty from anyone else in that school I turn too. Sure, you only moved, but damn, school is going to be ten times worse without you there. I do hope that we will be able to hang out over Christmas Break, and that when you come up to stay with Ben, we do go to the movies and what not. I wish that you were able to just stay here and be my “Flower in the Attic”, Ha-Ha. But don’t worry, I would actually let you out of the Attic. But, I am going to miss your advice, the way you can actually keep a secret, the way you jokingly check me out in the hallway while saying “heyyyyyy sexy!”, and how you could kick my ass back into gear when needed. Britni, I remember when we first met. We were in 8th grade, still in our somewhat awkward phase, and you came into my art class. You sat across from me, and I remember I would not shut up. I would talk and talk and talk to you like crazy. About everything, when we had only met for the first time that day. But, you were and are so easy to talk to. The on my Birthday in 8th grade, I found out that my ex-boyfriend started dating a friend of mine, and I cried my heart out in front of you. It looked as though it scared the hell out of you though. Ha-Ha. You didn’t know what to say, but I don’t blame you. I was hysterical then. And it was stupid, now I cannot stand that guy. Ha-Ha. But, you did something I thought would never be possible for anyone. You got Ben to fall in love. He was such a “player” up until he met you. And you guys were perfect together, and you lasted forever, and look at you now. Even after all the things you have been through together, you guys aren’t “together” but, you are together. He really does love you. And I know you love him. And guess what, no matter what people say about you and him, it will not affect you guys. And I am just saying that I will miss the hell out of you, but be prepared to receive phone calls from me basically everyday. Doing the same thing I did in Third Hour, talk to you about anything and everything, and confide in you, thing I won’t tell anyone else. But, I love you dearly Britni, and I will miss you. Call me when you are settled in. And no one in that town or the school there will be as awesome as Jay, Justin, Ben, Becca, or me. pce hun.

cigarette smoke

It smells horrible. It stinks worse than a farm. I can handle a dirty diaper when I have to change it and all, but Cigarette smoke, I never realised how bad it smelled. So, to all those non-smokers I smoked around, I am sorry. Sorry for letting such an unheavenly scent go into your nostrils when I could have had more respect. Thats all I have to say, I walked into the house and it hit me like a train coming at me full speed. It is nasty, gross, and unpleasant.

Listen to
Listen to me
I need you
A disaster’s waiting to happen
These are the things I can’t see through
When I’m saddened

It’s not me
It’s not me
Just give me some room to breathe
Or breathe for me
Breathe for me

Is this what it’s about
I’ve reached for the strength to hold out
I’m leaving
The tears keep burning my eyes
And I have lost the strength to keep this alive

It’s not me
It’s not me
Just give me some room to breathe
Or breathe for me
Breathe for me
Breathe for me

I can’t explain what I feel
But I know it’s for real
Don’t let me go back down

It’s not me
It’s not me
Just give me some room to breathe
Or breathe for me
Its not me
Its not me
Just give me some room to breathe
Or breathe for me
Or breathe for me

Books, Books, Books, I love literature.

A very random post but I cannot help but want to write. Lord Byron, He is by far my favourite poet, and even story character in “Lord of the Dead” By: Tom Holland. Such a brilliant book, I have read it about seven times and I am going to read it again. People ask me if they can borrow some of my books, with the way I describe them. Let me set this straight, me lending my books to people, unless I know for a fact they will not get ruined and I won’t miss them, is basically like saying “hey, my heart failed, can I borrow yours for a little bit?” and me agreeing to that. All of the books I have, are my pride and joy. “Lord of the Dead”, “Angela’s ashes”, “The Lord of the Ring Trilogy”, “A Series of Unfortunate events”, all them, my babies. I do of course have more books, just ones I don’t favour as muich as those listed above. Besides, I read them, and they didn’t interest me so much. I want more books, but trust me, with all the books I want, we cannot afford them. Ha-Ha. And I can never find the ones I am looking for. I hate checking out books at a library too, because I take forever to read one book, and they always have to end up taking it back early because someone wants to check it out. It sucks. That is what happened to me when I had gotten Dylan to get me “Interview with the Vampire”, “The Vampire Lestat”, and “Queen of the Damned” by: Anne Rice. I was only on the first book, and they needed to go back. I wish I had those books though. Anne Rice’s writing always keeps me in suspense. Along with Tom Holland. I also hate it when people want to bring me to a Harry Potter book and I have not finished the book. They try to drag me along, and I try to dig my heels in the ground to stop them(this has literally happened before too). But, really the only person that does the Harry Potter movies was my Grandma, it was our “tradition” you could say. I would have about 70 pages left in the book, and she would bring me to the movie. It would completely kill the book for me. Besides, the books are always better. You get to use your imagination and picture things in your mind while reading, with movies, they do all of that for you. Or make you picture something else. The one last thing I hate(that I will put in here anyway), is when a teacher lets you choose a book, and read it, but you have to have it all read by a certain date. I don’t like reading as part of a grade, at least if its a story I enjoy. Because when I enjoy the book, I want to take my time with it and enjoy it, not rush through the pages, almost skimming. Because it causes me to lose some interest in the book. But, this started out being me writing about Lord Byron, and all I have done is ramble about my likes and dislikes about reading. Ha-Ha.

Changed Name and Birthday

I changed the babies name from Rowan to Madison. I like Madison better, so, it was also suggested to me. By my friend Eric. And today Doug turned 37. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU DOUG! Love ya!

I have it now

Yesterday at about 2:45 I got my Child Development baby. And I tell you what, thank goodness I am the oldest of 5 kids because if I wasn’t, I would have been lost as hell. It is easy. It only woke up 2 times last night, so, not too bad. Only because it was hungry, then of course, after being fed, it needed to be burped. So, I wasn’t up for long, either times or combined times. I named it Rowan. But, the name does not really match the ethnicity..its an Asian baby. But it is so cute. Everyone’s calling me “Mama-Sammie”. Oh well. Ha-Ha. We also have a new computer, 2007 Dell with Windows Vista. Its new to me, so I have to get used to it. Who would have guessed, I need to get used to a computer rather than a baby. Ha-Ha. I did go a little(OK, when I say a little, I mean a LOT) overboard with the baby clothes though. I only have the baby for 4 days total, and I have about 25 outfits. Oh well, better to have too much then not enough. But, when I was getting the clothes, I could not help myself, it was all so cute, I had to get an abundance of them. I won’t even let people touch my baby doll other than my mom, and my Aunt Angela. Along with Aunt Beth of course. Ava thinks its just a baby doll like her others, one that she can sort jostle around and she believes the neck won’t move like a real babies. But, she doesn’t know any better, we just have to keep an eye on her when she goes near it, she already tried picking it up. Good thing my worst fear did not come true. I was afraid Ava was going to get jealous of the baby and rip it out of my arms or bite it, etc. Luckily, she hasn’t..at least not yet. We will see what happens over the weekend. Hopefully it doesn’t happen then either. Anyway, that’s basically all that is really going on right now. So, thank you if you read. Buh-Bye.

                                 Sincerely,   Mama-Sammie