I haven’t written in quite some time. Allow me to just catch you up on my life so far.

I don’t go to school anymore, I had shoulder surgery in January due to a dislocated shoulder, I am still single, I don’t really talk to Nathan anymore, I’m back to being a hermit crab, I’m able to see clearly thanks to my new glasses, my grandma and grandpa h. know I smoke, and… that seems to pretty much be it.

I did hang out with Jess, Alex, and Chase last night though. I had fun. I’ve missed Jess alot. But, we got to see each other last night, so that’s good.

I had a thing going on with Brendon..but, just like the other times we tried, it did not work out. It never does, even though he promised things would be better. Oh well.

Well, thats pretty much all I have to type for now. See you in another few months. Ha.

-Samm d’Massacre

Well, I went to homecoming this past Saturday night with the MOST amazing guy I have ever met. Nathan and I went and we got to dance; however, it was cut short for me because my stomach pain and a massive headache started to interfere. He took me over to Kayliegh’s and got to meet her. She seems to like him, although I can never really be sure. Mom likes him alot. He was able to joke with my family, he was VERY respectful, very kind, very sweet, and he didn’t mind my mom taking a million and one pictures. HaHa. He even opened every door for me, which I have never had anyone do for me before. It was perfect. But, when it came time to dance to songs such as “Tipsy”, “Whatever you like”, and other rap songs…..I wasn’t participating. I can’t dance, and I am comfortable around him, but not that comfortable yet. HaHa. We did get to slow dance though, we danced to “Don’t wanna miss a thing” by Aerosmith. I am so short compared to him though. I am about 5′5”, and he is 6′4”. Almost a whole foot taller than I. So, my hands were almost straight up while I was trying to put my arms around his neck and dance with him. It was quite a sight. HaHa. But, I can’t stop thinking about him, and as dumb as this may sound to everyone else, even though we went to homecoming together and he asked me out on a date… I’m still seriously confused as to whether he likes me or not. I know I like him. I’m probably overthinking it, like I always do. I always prepare for the worst, while in this situation, hopefully the best will happen. The best being, we go on a date or a few, and he asks me to be his girlfriend. I would say yes if he asked me tomorrow. But he is a guy who likes to take things slow. And when I say slow, I mean, almost a snails pace. I’m not used to this. I’m not used to being asked on a date or to a dance, then the boyfriend and girlfriend thing will follow. With ex boyfriends, it’s always been “will you be my girlfriend?”, then events follow that I guess would be considered dates. So, I am just gettingused to this ‘take it slow’ thing. But, he walks with me to a couple of my classes, I ride home with him everyday after school, we can talk about anything and everything, and we understand each other. We have the same hobbies, same interests, same styles, etc. I just, like where this is going. I hope this keeps up with the same strength, if not with a greater strength. I really Like him. But, I have to go. Bye.

-Samm d’Massacre.

Okay, I will start at the beginning. Today, before school even started me, Brendon, Aubri, Sam, Chase, and Connor were sitting in Chase’s garage and Sam and Aubri were talking about relationships and Sam said “I have a boyfriend”, Aubri said “I don’t and I don’t care”, so I said “I’m still waiting for me and Nathan to get there”. That’s when Aubri goes “He’ll ask, just wait. I’ll drop a hint. HaHa”. Well, me and Nathan always meet before 3rd hour starts and today he was especially anxious and determined to get me to ride with him after school. I didn’t know why, cos I saidI would get a ride home with him everyday after school. So, I just let it be. Well, come lunch time, I head over to Kayliegh’s and Chase’s. Kayliegh was doing something on her stairs, so I grabbed my cigarettes. I looked at her and told her about Nathan before 3rd hour. And that’s when she said “Well, I heard through the grape vine that he’s planning on asking you out today”. I just stood there in schock(but in a good way). And I kept saying “where did you hear that from? where? it was aubri wasn’t it?” After I said Aubri, she told me yes. So, I got in his car afterschool, and while we were driving to my house, I was just waiting for it. I wasn’t going to say anything, incase if he wasn’t going to ask me, I didn’t want to make an ass of myself. So, I just waited and we just talked about random things. Well, we pull into my driveway and as I’m getting out, he says to me “Well, before you get out, there’s something I want to ask you. I have been holding back on this for quite some time because I don’t know what to say; Would you want to go do something sometime? Like, a movie or whatever?”. At this point, I was jumping around dancing, but only on the inside. I said yes. He looked happy and relieved. But the thing is, if it were going to be this weekend, I would have to skip out on going to my dad’s. Which, don’t get me wrong, it’s totally worth. Because I mean, I really like this guy ALOT, and I have been waiting for him to ask me on a date for about a month and a half now, and come on, I have NEVER been asked out on a real date before. It’s always been “will you be my girlfriend?”, then the “dates” follow. I mean, that’s nice, but I have wanted to be asked out on a date for quite some time, especially since its with a guy I really like. HaHa. So, Long story short, I am super happy right now. I’m very excited, and nervous at the same time. But, that’s really all for now. pce.

                                                               -Samm d’Massacre

Well, today I missed school. I was coughing crap up(and non-stop) and my throat was very sore, it still is to a small degree. So, around 11am, I went to the school with my aunt, I went around to all my teachers and got my assignments. At least I’m on top of things this year. I just finished everything I had to do for my classes, and I started at around 3pm, it is now 8:30pm. I hope that gives you an idea of how much work I had. Yet again, I have 2 math classes this trimester. Those math teachers LOVE piling on the work man, I tell you what. But, yesterday was definitely better than today, and tomorrow will be too. Nathan gave me a ride home yesterday. I really like him. And I like how he offered me a ride wthout me even talking about it. I never even thought about it, and then he asked “How do you get home from school?”. I still didn’t know where that conversation was going at first. I told him I walked or rode the bus. Then out of nowhere, he asked me if I wanted a ride home from him. I was shocked, but in a good way. The ride was fun while it lasted(I live about 2 minutes away from the school), and after he dropped me off, while I was getting out of the car, he said “You know, this can be an everyday thing if you want”. SCORE! HaHa. I say score because I really like him and I never get to see him during the day really, and I don’t have to ride the obnoxious bus.

(Sep. 11, 2008)- Didn’t go to school today either. Mom says I might have mono. NO! I don’t want mono. So, tomorrow I have to go in and get tested for it, which involves one of the things I hate most on this planet…. Blood Test. My veins bruise like crazy! And it hurts. I will have to deal with it though. Luckily I am still keeping up on getting my assignments. But, I better go. I’m so tired and I cannot stop coughing. Bye.

~Hope I get well!
-Samm d’Massacre

*Sigh*    Well, Nathan and I are talking again. That’s an awesome thing. I really like him, and I hope that in the future something could come of this. But, the real happiness came when I checked my myspace. It said “new comment approvals”. Meaning, there were comments I needed to approve. He left me a regular profile comment and a photo comment. The regualr comment was that he missed me this morning, or didn’t see me(we were supposed to meet this morning in the cafeteria, I went in and didn’t see him) and then he saw me going into class, and that he will definitely make conversation next time we see each other. Then the photo comment made me light up. He commented on a picture of me from April 2007, I was going to my ex’s prom. He said “Looking good Samm… Thought it had to be said!”. It might be weird that it makes me happy, but its the little things that make me smile. But, I don’t want to make it a big deal, in cae things don’t progress or go anywhere. It’s just, he’s sweet, he’s funny, he’s smart, he’s polite, he’s respectful, he’s very attractive, he shares alot of the same interests as me, he’s just one of those guys I hope something happens with. So, while I had given up, and I felt hopeless, things came back into the light. School’s going good, Nathan is back to talking with me, I am becoming more social, etc.

                            I hope things get better.

                                                                                 -Samm d’Massacre

I’d like to say goodbye to the following:

Ice cream trucks, Hot days, Swimming pools, Sun Lotion, Flip Flops, Shorts, Going to bed in the a.m., Parties, Butterflies, Jump-roping, Camping, Quad Riding, Beaches, Naps at 1 in the afternoon, Laughter of children, Sprinklers, Slip and Slides, Fireworks, Green Trees, Iced Sweet Tea, Gardening, Canoing, Michigan’s Adventure, Garage Saling, and Night time carnivals.

I’d like to say hello to the following:

Brown and orange leaves, Halloween, Raking, Pumpkins, Apple Cider, Corn Mazes, Turkeys, Jackets, Chilly weather, School, Fresh starts, Waking up at 6a.m., Caramel Apples, Scarecrows, Bales of Hay, Choir Concerts, Report Cards, Thanksgiving, and Tractor Rides.

It won’t be easy saying goodbye to summer, but I have to do it. I start my Junior year of High School in 2 days. I have mixed emotions about it. I’m sort of happy, because I’m almost done with High School, and I can leave for lunch. But another part of me is asking myself, “How did time fly by so fast the first two years of High School?”. And its making me realise that as much as I don’t want o, I have to grow up. Sometimes, I wish Neverland was real, I would escape there and never have to grow up, or pay bills, or go to bed at a certain time, etc. But, this is the real world, there is no such Neverland, so I just have to grow up and accept it.

*Sigh* 

                           This will be a good year. I can feel it. Wish me luck!

                                                                                                                   Samm d’Massacre

I hate insomnia. I can never sleep, and when I do, I wake up several times during the night just tossing and turning. I can never get comfortable, it’s too hot, it’s too cold, My head hurts, my eyes are moving way too fast and my thoughts even faster. Maybe I stress too much, but it’s just, I am lucky if I can get to bed at 2A.M. But, it’s as if that’s the only time I have for myself to think. Think about what’s going on with mom, dad, wonder what’s going on with my friends, my grandparents, and wonder if I will do better my 11th grade year. Everything gets to me, and I cannot sleep. Then, when I am finally able to push all the thoughts to the back of my mind, I can’t get comfortable. It’s non-stop. Me and my mom almost have the same sleep pattern now. She’s never been able to sleep really, but for different reasons. My bed is a bitch, the couch feels as though there was cushion in it but someone stole it, the floor is super hard, and mom’s bed is occupied with her and doug. But, on to more things.

Ava will be three years old on July 12. Gosh, she’s so big. It seems like just yesterday she was born. Boy was that and experience. Haha. But, Jess is coming over for cake and ice cream on Saturday for Ava’s birthday. It should be fun.

Fourth of July…..hmm, what can I say, fireworks. Fireworks, food, and finding Five dollars on the side of the road, were the highlights of that day. But the best thing was Ava’s reaction to the fireworks, her face was brighter than the grand finale…Until she got bored and started to whine. Haha. But over all, it was decent. Aubri pinched my butt, it was weird. We(me, doug, brianna, dylan, montanna, and ava) had a good time. Mom, however, did not feel good. Poor mom.

But, I am going to make an attempt at sleep. Bye.

Today was so much fun. I got to see Jess again, and then other people I haven’t seen for a while. I told her why I never asked her to come hang out. I didn’t want her to waste her money on gas and what not. But, I am going to call her this week, and we are definitely hanging out. That is my goal for the week. “Hang out with Jess”. I was actually a little scared that she was going to be upset with me because of the fact that I never called her, but she wasn’t, which I was happy for. But, it was a good night. Brie and Lindsey got attacked by Caleb and Derek; HILARIOUS! Aunt Beth got hammered…from her smirnoff twists. Ha-Ha. I think she is still hammered in her bedroom talking to people on her cell. Ha-Ha. Imagine those phone conversations. Mom got buzzed, and then proceeded to drive us home; I was not comfortable with it at all. But whatever. But, it was a night everyone needed. It was fun.

-Samm d’Massacre

      Things are getting better and better. I am getting happier and happier. Things are looking up. Me and Nathan are still getting to know each other, but, he’s definitely a great guy. He’s witty, cute, nice, thoughtful, etc. Mom already wants to meet him, but I am not sure if that’s a good idea. I mean, I have only known the guy for about a week at the most, so, it’s not like we are dating. We just like each other. So, he probably shouldn’t meet my mom yet. She doesn’t think it matters how long we’ve known each other. But, I am just doing what I think I should do… which is not introduce him to my mom yet. Maybe soon, but I don’t know for sure.

So!……..Me and Brianna got into a fight today. Not physical, at least not on my part. She tried punching at me, but I blocked it. You do not know how bad I wanted to just hit her. Just one punch….square in the side of the head. But I didn’t. I kept my cool, and told her to back up. Eventually she did. The only thing keeping me from hitting her was knowing that she wasn’t worth the grounding. Oh, and me continuously calling her fat. Might be a bit harsh, but when someone swings at me, the last thing I am worried about is being polite. At that point, their feelings are the last thing on my mind. But, never hit her, when the old me would have “fuck it… hit the girl. She swung at you, correct her. Hit her right in the jaw.” Shows how I have changed. And I am proud of myself for being the grown up in the situation.

-No longer an immature child-Samm d’Massacre